The Sunday Scaries

Sundays have been hard for me recently.  For no apparent reason, I just can't stay present and enjoy the day.  I feel stressed when there is nothing to stress over.  Honesty, I hadn't even really been able to articulate how I was feeling until my husband pointed it out for me this past Sunday.    We were walking our dogs like we do every morning.  The sun was shining, the air felt warm, the trees were green, the birds were chirping, and all appeared to be right in my world.  And yet, I heard myself say to my husband, "I'm really going to try to enjoy my Sunday today because I don't want to miss all of this."   He instantly replied with, "Do you have the Sunday scaries?".   I laughed because I thought he was joking, but he wasn't.  He explained that the Sunday scaries is actually anticipated anxiety about starting the work week. You get so amped up thinking about your Monday that you can't enjoy your Sunday.  I kind of thought it was silly, but it also resonated with me somehow, so I decided to sit with it and see where it took me.   A quick google search turned up a basic definition and some serious research.  This is what I found:

"Sunday Scaries" refers to the anxiety or dread people feel on Sundays as the weekend draws to a close and the workweek begins. The core of the Sunday scaries is anticipatory anxiety, meaning you're anxious about something that hasn't happened yet.  OR it could be "transition" stress.  The shift between the relaxed weekend to the busy workweek can be jarring even for people who love their jobs.  Symptoms can include racing heartbeat, sweating, difficulty breathing, and trouble sleeping!  

Okay, so we've established it's a thing, but how common is it?   Linkedin surveyed 3,000 American workers and found that 80% of them experience the Sunday Scaries.  2400 people out of 3000 people reported this!   As I reflected over my own personal experience, I realized that I'm far too connected to my phone, and work emails and messages start trickling in Sunday mornings as other people anticipate their workweek.  Just seeing one email or message causes me to start thinking about Monday...what if there are so many call outs that we can't staff properly...what if the openers are late and parents have to wait...what if a parent gets upset about something...what if a child gets hurt...what if something bat crap banana pants crazy town happens?  And even though these thoughts are in the background of my mind, my heart and my body are divided...I'm clocking the stress...I'm on the defense...And nothing had even happened yet! 

 Now, maybe the 2400 linkedin users and I are unique to this phenomenon.  I doubt it.  Even if you don't identify completely with the Sunday thing, what I know about anxiety is that is shows up any day of the week and any hour of the day. And what I know about your life is it's stressful and frustrating and deep and wide and meaningful and important and beautiful and full of joy.  It's so multi layered that I know you have felt the twinge of anxiety in one way or another.  So...what do we do with this?  We have to do something because for starters I'd like my Sundays back!  

The study went on to give suggestions for coping with the "scaries"; prioritize self-care, practice mindfulness, make a plan for the week, seek professional help, and limit rumination.   These are all really good tools for eliminating the "scaries" but knowing what to do is much different than knowing how to do it.  Knowing what to do is a start but understanding how is life changing. Listing what to do is so often easier than explaining how to do it.

Long before the Sunday scaries was a thing, Paul, a former people hater turned one of the most famous people lovers of all time, wrote a letter to a group of people struggling with similar issues to ours.  At the end of this letter, Paul said this:

"Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse."

Now, this could seem like another what to do item at first glance, but when you take a deeper look, it's dripping with the how.    Paul's message is simple.  How do you overcome the anxiety?  How do you make your life better?  Fill your mind with beautiful things...fill your thoughts with true things.  Anxiety is a liar.  Truth combats lies.  Stress is ugly.  Beauty combats ugly.  Now, Paul isn't saying ignore the hard things in your life, he isn't saying be irresponsible, he isn't saying don't ever be scared.  He isn't saying don't think about the things in your life that lead to anxiety, he isn't saying ignore the stressful things.  You should address the difficult parts of your life.  You should be responsible with your mental health.  You should be appropriately scared of scary things.  

AND he isn't saying just be a Pollyanna, just put a smile on your face, just be happy.  He isn't even saying that you have to be in a good mood all the time.  It's healthy to sit with your feelings for a time.  What he is saying is that the background of your life should be the best and the most praiseworthy and the rest are events that you run into, deal with, and move forward.  You need to sit with the hard stuff, but you can't stay there forever.  When the background of your life is the worst and all the things you curse and your run ins with what is noble, reputable, and authentic are brief encounters, you will eventually burn out.  You will eventually become paralyzed or isolated....unhappy or cranky...lonely or unfulfilled.  I don't want that, and I certainly don't want that for YOU!  

We have to flip the script.  How?  Paul said think...focus...be intentional about what is right.  Replace negative thoughts with memories of the joy in your life.  It won't be easy in the beginning.  Just like getting good at anything in your life, this will take time and practice.  It will be so worth it though.  

As has happened over and over in my life, while I was sitting with this, the perfect example dropped right in my lap...smacked me in the face...got my attention...changed my mind...and changed my life forever.

 Someone came into my office for an impromptu 1:1 chat.  She walked in and sat down in the chair across from mine with all the confidence in the world as she knows well that I am almost always interruptible.  She began talking immediately and I couldn't help but smile.  This particular person is sweet and kind with a childlike heart posture that lights up a room.   I was prepared for a silly story or a lighthearted anecdote, but that's not what I heard.  She shared something private and gut-wrenching...something lifechanging and permanent...something deep and heavy.  You know the kind of story because you have some of your own. 

When she was finished sharing the burden that she had been shouldering alone, I said, "I'm sorry" and I asked if I had permission to speak into her darkness.  Sometimes people just need to say the things, and that's okay.  Helping to carry the weight of knowledge is often honor enough.  In this case, she granted me permission to respond, and I did.  When I finished speaking, there was a brief moment of silence and then she said, "When it gets hard, I just keep my mind on my students and the sweet relationships we have...and I think about this one little girl and how funny she is...and I focus on the babies, well, the big kids, I mean."  My mind was completely blown, and I wondered why I had bothered to say anything to her when she had everything that she needed inside of her already. 

This...this is what Paul meant!  This is how we fight against the Sunday scaries of our days.  We remember.  We recall all that is right in our world intentionally over and over until it becomes the gorgeous background of our lives.

Sometimes things happen and I know they were just for me...things for me to store up and ponder in my heart but this was so profoundly for "us" that I called my colleague into my office, and I said, "you have to hear this!"  She listened as I told her this story and then said, "It's almost like something holy happened in here!"  "Not almost...it did!", I said.   It did.  We all need gentle reminders of things we already know...we all need reminders to get back on track...reminders to adjust our heart posture...reminders to experience contentedness.  

The grass is not greener somewhere else...your grass is as green as you think it is.  I started today.  I spent this Sunday flipping my script.  I was intentional about seeking out the good and the beautiful.  Join me.  I know I'll continue to slip up now and again, but if we keep reminding each other of Paul's words, we will get it right more than not.

Happy Sunday!  I hope your week is as lovely as you are.